This weekend I decided that I wanted us to do something together. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, life was good when I woke up. What seems to happen with me is that I wake with amnesia. I forget that the ideas of us doing something as a family and us actually getting it done are two very different things. Getting ready in our house is quite similar to that of the Hunger Games. There can be only one sane survivor. Most of the times its Timothy. The other times we all lose.
There are four Districts in my family. And then there is the Capitol. D-Evangeline, D-Gabriel, D-Timothy and D-Me.
D-Me, wakes up with the best will in the world because I have to. In my district the sun is shining, birds a singing life is good all round. That’s what I tell myself. In reality the sun is radioactive and the singing birds are in fact screeching mutated bats. I roll over to D-T. There, everyone is quite happy to stay in and leave the rest of the world to pass them by. If they never see or have to interact with another being, that would be ok. The residents of this district like to sleep in late, take lengthy showers, spend an unhealthy amount on the toilet and consistently eat without gaining weight. They have the luxury of all these things which my district has sacrificed in order to wake early and listen to those f@%king birds. It takes persuasion, pleading and a tiny tantrum to get them onboard. At the end they would rather agree to a day out then listen to me one more second. Round one to D-me.
D-E and D-G, are the Quarter Quell games. Just when I thought I had paid my dues and would be able to spend the rest of my days living life, I am called in for the reaping. At least I have D-T on my side. With strength in numbers we head for the last two districts. D-T has mastered the art of communicating with D-E. I am seen as president Snow to them. I like to think I have the power and the final say over them when in actual fact they disregard everything that comes out of my mouth. They are secretly plotting a revolution to overthrow me, my saving grace is D-T. While his district is dressing and preparing her district, I move onto D-G. You know the whole divide and conquer thing.
D-G is easy for now. They have not yet learnt the art of manipulation, whining, talking back or throwing tantrums. They just stay where ever I put them, wear what I want them to and go where I say, because I have to carry them there. Only being around for 10 months, they don’t have a say. Which is a relief for me. I will enjoy this time while it lasts. At least I have control of one thing in my life. For now. The prep for D-G is killer. We need to make sure we have enough water for the feeds. Need to have at least two bags of crisps, teething biscuits, fruit pots, yoghurt and water in case they decide this is the day we start drinking water. Then we move onto clothing, diapers and wet wipes. I think a baby bag is more prepared than a zombie apocalypse shelter.
Right, everyone is on the same train heading towards the door. At this stage I am sweating, cursing (under my breath), hating myself for ever thinking this was a good idea and just hating my brain for thinking this would be fun. F@ck you brain. D-E starts whining because they want to travel on the bus. Back inside into the penny can to scratch around for shrapnel to pay for the bus ride. Right, everyone is on the same train heading towards the door.
D-G has a clean fresh diaper on which of course is cause for a 
smelly larger than life poop. Back inside to change the stinker, and his outfit because we don’t like making normal in the diaper poops, we like making them poops that go all the way up to his underarms. Right, everyone is on the same train heading towards the door.
For the record, I woke up at 7:00 with the sunshine. The time now is 13:00 and overcast.
D-T has devolved from the man of the house, to a pack-horse. Loaded with baby bags, blankie and Gerry the Giraffe he asks me if we have everything. I ignore him for fear of saying something I would regret. Start walking to the bus stop with D-G strapped into his snot stained with a bit of Rich Tea biscuits buggy. Hear the bus and start running. Screaming at the others to run or we will miss the ONLY bus, the day will be ruined and life as we know it will be OVER! It is not pretty. I have lost all my dignity. I am a right mess, smiling like a Cheshire cat, laughing like The Joker (it’s what I do when I am nervous) threatening them with their lives through my teeth.
We make the bus. Stress makes way for excitement, doubt makes way for freedom. Today we have beaten the Capitol.
Oh my Days.. 